Be optimistic

"Be optimist. 

Look at the bright side. 

It's true, that girl stole my life by swapping our bodies. 

It's true, I was a 25-year-old boy who just graduated from law school, and now I'm a 25-year-old girl who dropped out of school at 18. 

It's true, I had a bright future, while now I'm a girl who has to work in a fast food restaurant because she dropped out of school in her last year of high school. 

It's true, I've lost my family and my girlfriend, and in return I've received periods and uncomfortable clothes (and I don't have the money to buy new ones). 

It's true, in the last 2 months my life has been hell, but as always I have to look on the bright side. 

And being forced to work at this fast food restaurant for a living, at least I can eat my favorite burger whenever I want. 

So I have to be optimistic. 

I have to stay optimistic. 

I have to... *sob* be... *sob* optimistic... [crying sounds]"

Stressful vacation

"I really needed a shower to relax for a moment. This is the most stressful "vacation" of my life! Damn me when I let myself be persuaded to come to the beach!" 

I've always loved the sea and the beach, but those days are clearly over. Since 4 months ago, when a rare virus mutated my Y chromosome into X, my life has been turned upside down. 

Turning into a girl in a matter of days was a shock, but I was able to resist thanks to my family, my best friends… and my girlfriend. But my girlfriend resisted until a month ago. She doesn't like girls, and eventually our relationship ended. I fell into an even worse depression, and my best friends organized a vacation to my favorite beach to help me: "15 days to relax and change perspective on things". They convinced me, with a little effort, and off we went. 

The vacation has been terrible until now! Wherever I go I perceive the eyes of guys following me or I hear some whistles. I hate wearing a women's swimsuit, but I have no alternative! I no longer have the balance of before and I can't surf. It's a constant disappointment and stress! I just wish I could hide this body in a baggy sweatshirt at my house! And even the showers are worse than before, with this mass of hair! Soon I'll have to go back to my friends by the sea, and the unsettling looks of half the beach will start again. Next year I will definitely go to the mountains!

At least this one

"I don't know why I'm crying. I'm happy and I'm crying. Stupid hormones! But I'm really happy. I didn't think I'd get this back from my old life. This was one of my closest possessions, and it's mine again."

Three months ago I never thought I'd cry with joy to receive an object that was already mine as a gift, but many things have changed since then. My whole life has changed. 

April, a girl who goes to the same college as me, somehow managed to switch our bodies! And some witchcraft or magic keeps me from telling anyone who I really am. Apparently April had been jealous of me since day one of college, even though we barely knew each other. She wanted to be a Caucasian boy who was athletic and popular with girls. But my life wasn't perfect: I suffered enormously from my mother's death a year ago, and I'm still trying to recover from grief. But April didn't mind that, of course. Overnight she stole everything from me: my body, my family, my home, my gender, my race, and… everything that reminded me of my mother. I begged April several times to give me back some of my mother's things, but she always refused "to avoid looking weird". Monster. In order not to risk having problems stealing my life, she took away every physical memory of my mother! 

Until today, on my "new" birthday. Today she put a gift package in front of the door of her old (my new) house containing my mother's favorite carillon. I remember my mum used to put me to sleep with its melody. I'm delighted at the thought of having a part of her back with me! At least this one wasn't stolen from me. At least this one.

To move on

  

- "But we'll try again, right?" 

- "..." 

- "Emma... why don't you answer me?" 

- "Because I don't think I want to try again. I don't want to waste time and money anymore. Especially for something that I honestly don't think I want. To be honest, I'm starting to like being a guy." 

- "Emma..." 

- "Let's be clear: I'm not going to keep your body by force. If you find a way to replicate the swap, I'll accept it. But I don't want to spend a part of this new life of mine looking for a way to go back to my old life. Not now that I am finally finding happiness. I want to move on, and I advise you to do the same. In six months we have not discovered anything concrete, we have only been the victim of 3-4 scammers and we have lost countless hours in research without results. Think about your new life, don't throw it away for something that will probably never happen. You are my friend and I would like to see you smile again. " 

- "Smile again? How?! While I'm trapped in your body?!" 

- "What do you think is the use of continuing to fight? I think we should accept our new reality. Are you a girl now? Billions of human beings are. You can be happy in that body too." 

- "Never. I can't accept it. If you don't want to help me, I'll do it myself. I'll find a way to be myself again." 

- "Tyler..." 

- "See you soon, Emma. I thought you were a better friend." 

Over the next few months, Tyler continued to invest nearly all of his time in his research, but discovered nothing. The two former "loser" friends have taken two different paths in life. Emma joined the gym and expanded her friendships, becoming quite popular. She feels good about being a boy now, and she even has a girlfriend. Tyler, on the other hand, is even more of an outcast than Emma was in that body. He has practically no friends, he has no passions. He hates the looks he gets from boys, so he doesn't leave the house very often. He can't accept the new himself, or "herself". He doesn't want to accept it. Emma is truly sorry for him, and always tries to invite him to her new circles of friends. Unsuccessfully for now, but maybe she's starting to see some doubt in her friend's eyes in the last few weeks. Will she be able to convince him to move on?

The news anchor

"Good evening. Today I owe an explanation to all the viewers of our beloved News. I'm your news anchor Jonathan Smiths and, as many of you know, yesterday I uttered various sexist phrases while I thought I was off the air. I know many of you were shocked and angry, and I apologize. Our Network executives gave me two options: immediate firing or undergoing a "chromosomal alteration procedure" to demonstrate my solidarity with the female gender. This job is my life, so I chose the second option, even if frightened by the profound change that awaited me. So tonight I introduce myself to you as Jane Smiths, 100% female, repentant for the uncivilized phrases I uttered. This will be my gender and my body for the next 12 months, at least. After that period a disciplinary commission will evaluate my behavior. If the commission gives a favorable vote, I will be allowed to get my Y chromosome back. I apologize again to all of you kind viewers. And now let's start with the first news for the day... [...]" 

Unfortunately for Jonat... Jane, the campaign against her by numerous feminist groups will still force the Network to fire her a week later. And the "chromosomal alteration procedure" is not repeatable for at least a year, for health reasons. It will be a very tough year for Jane.

Alien abduction

- "Are we back on Earth? Did they bring us back?" 

- "I think... I think so. They dropped us from the spaceship in the place where they kidnapped us." 

- "But... they didn't transform us back, did they?" 

- "I don't think so. Do you by chance feel a strange weight on your chest?" 

- "You're not funny. And yes, I feel it and I hate it." 

- "I was being sarcastic. It was obvious that those bastards wouldn't bother transforming us back. Fuck you, aliens." 

- "Yeah, definitely fuck you, you fucking aliens." 

- "Ahahahah!" 

- "And now what are you laughing for?!" 

- "Nothing special... But it's funny to hear a blonde girl with an angelic face and a sweet voice talking like that! Ahahahah!" 

- "Fuck you too!" 

- "Ahahahah! Sorry!" 

These unfortunate friends were two white boys up until two days ago. On their way home after a night in their favorite pub, they were abducted by an alien spaceship. Their captors were interested in studying human beings, specifically the differences between ethnic groups and genders of "Homo Sapiens". The aliens transformed many times these poor guys with strange injections for two days, gathering the data they needed. Once their experiments were over they released the two friends where they found them, but leaving them in the form of the last transformation they had undergone. So one remained a black version and the other a female version of themselves! They will definitely need some time to get used to their new bodies. Especially the new Blondie.

500,000!

Hello everyone! 

Sorry if I haven't written for a few months. 

In the meantime, this blog has reached 500,000

views! 

And some more captions are coming soon! ;) As

always, let me know what you think about them

with a comment!

 

Breakup

  

- "This is the only thing that has changed, Susan. But inside I'm still me. I'm still the man you were supposed to marry." 

- "I'm sorry, Jacob, but this transformation is too much for me. Not only your face has changed, but your whole biology. You and I could never have children." 

- "I know, but we could find an alternative..." 

- "Being a mother has always been my dream, and I need to find a man who can be the father of my children, sorry Jacob." 

- "So it's really over? You give up like this?" 

- "And what should I do? We tried for 6 months to track down your crazy ex to make her undo the spell that transformed you, but she has disappeared into thin air. We didn't find any way to give you back your body. We didn't make any progress in any research. We tried. I tried. But I can't take it anymore. I don't feel like continuing a relationship with a female body, even if there is a man inside. Although I love his personality. I am sorry. I'm really sorry." 

- "I don't know what to say. I didn't suffer like this even in the first days after the transformation. Because I knew I still had you by my side, and you were the most important thing in my life. But now I'm sure of one thing: my ex succeeded in her intent. She destroyed my life." 

- "Don't say that... Your life is not over. You will find a suitable partner for the "new you", you'll be happy again. And I will always be there if you need help. I really hope we will be good friends." 

- "It's too early to talk about it. Now I just need to be alone." *whispering as he/she walks away* "And to cry. Cry a lot. One of the few good things about having this body is that I can cry as much as I want."

Don't strain yourself

*Voiceover*: "Don't strain yourself. You won't be able to talk or move for at least another hour, thanks to the herbs I gave you. Well, my work here is done. I think I'll go back to MY home. My big, beautiful home. Take it easy in this little studio apartment of yours. Within two to three hours you should be moving normally, with no side effects. I was quick, I finished well in advance. I thought I needed more time to steal every single part of your body. While we're at it, I'd like to ask you something: did you really think I liked you? Such a shy and insecure man? I'm sorry, but I've been dating you these three months just to get information and be able to steal your life without any problems. But look on the bright side: your personality made you a pathetic man, but a shy and insecure cute girl is lovely! You will have much more success with the opposite sex eheheheh! Oh, are those tears? Are you crying? You were never really a man, were you? I definitely did you a favor! Well, I really have to go now. Just remember that the magic I used prevents you from revealing your true identity, so avoid making a fool of yourself by muttering incomprehensible lines. Ah, by the way, our relationship is over, baby. You are not the right girl for me. Goodbye!"

Bad conscience

*First person POV inner voice*: "She's smiling! She's finally smiling! I've been waiting for this moment for months!" 

You know, five months ago that girl was my brother, and I was that girl... 

Although we were twins, we were and are very different: he was an athletic boy, I was a chubby girl. But five months ago I found a scroll with a one-shot spell at a flea market. A spell to swap bodies between blood relatives. I thought about it for a couple of days, but in the end I did: I used the spell on my brother, without telling anyone, pretending to be as shocked as he was. I know I did a horrible thing, but try to understand me... I always hated being a girl, being chubby and shortsighted, being pathetic at every sport. And I also had another reason. Both my brother and I, being eighteen, dreamed of going to college next year to study law, but our family can't afford it... Well, he, or rather "his body", got a scholarship for his merits in football! I couldn't bear to be "left behind" by my twin, while he could fulfill my dream of studying law! So yes, I stole his body and his life. And I lied to him and our parents about it. We decided to keep it a secret, "hoping to find a way to get back to normal soon". 

I was hoping my brother would adjust to his new life as my sister, and that we could both happily continue our new paths. But he, or rather "she", didn't. She fell into a terrible depression. She didn't leave home for 4 months (the latter part of our senior year and most of the summer), cried most nights, gained weight (becoming even chubbier), stopped talking to almost anyone. She didn't even leave her room for our 19th birthday, two months ago! She hated having to wear glasses even more than I did. She couldn't accept her out of shape, shorter and weaker body. She especially hated her period: she passed out the first time!

I felt terribly guilty. I was hoping that after a couple of difficult and weird weeks she would start moving on, but she didn't. Then finally a month ago she started going out of the house again, every now and then, wearing men's clothes. It was already a big step! She started seeing a couple of our best friends again. She started to live again, little by little. 

Looking at her around other people it is clear that she is a bit confused about boys and her feelings. Now I like girls, so I guess she likes boys. And for the past ten days, I've noticed that a friend of ours, Jake, is showing her particular attention. And I think she likes it. I don't think anything has happened between the two, I think my "sister" isn't even ready for a kiss yet, but I think texting Jake makes her happy.  She has even started wearing a bit of makeup for a couple of days! Someone wants to look pretty to impress a cute boy eheheh...

Seeing her smile while looking at the phone is a wonderful going-away present. That's right, I'm leaving for college tomorrow! I am so excited! Parties, girls, interesting lessons, it will be great! And seeing that my sister is on the road to recovery is a breath of fresh air for my conscience. I'm sure when I get home in a few months, she and Jake will be a couple. And my conscience will be even lighter. And then, in a few years, maybe when she has a couple of beloved children, I might as well finally tell her the truth, hoping for her forgiveness. But for now, a smile is more than enough.