The stripper

"I don't care if you're exhausted! We'll keep looking for that bitch who stole my body! I specifically told you I didn't want strippers at my bachelor party. And you ignored me! And the stripper you hired stole my body! I don't know how, I don't know why, but she ran away with MY BODY! Now I'm trapped in this blonde woman's body, and I have to get married in two days! TWO DAYS! I don't think it would be easy to explain the situation to Ellen and her family. So let's keep looking. And don't try to complain, because it's all your fault!"

Only my contempt

"I don't care what you do or threaten. You defeated me in battle. You defeated all of our armies. You took my brother and sister hostage, to control me. You turned me into a woman, to destroy my fighting spirit. You forced me to become your consort and dress as a woman, to humiliate me. You forced me to give you an heir, to satisfy your thirst for revenge. But you will never break me. And you will never have my love. Or affection. Or acceptance. You will have only my contempt, forever. And one day I will free my family and I can finally get my revenge on you, vile being."

Settle down

Woman on the left: "Why the hell are you styling your hair?" 

Woman on the right: "For the same reason I started wearing these uncomfortable women's clothes: to make my husband happy. He's very worried about my "change" these past few weeks."  

- "He is not your husband! And of course you have changed! You are not really his wife!" 

- "Keep your voice down! If anyone heard you we'd be in trouble! 

- "It couldn't get any worse than this anyway!" 

- "Oh, yes, it could be much worse. At best they would kick us out of the village, and for us it would be the end. We would be two women alone in the wild west. You must understand that we need protection now! And this community can provide it to us." 

- "I'd rather not have protection if it means being a "little wife" like you. I'm a straight man!" 

- "Me too. But I understood the situation, unlike you. And you should really start finding yourself a man. The woman you became was unmarried, but your father is old. Soon you risk being alone. You have to hurry up to find a husband!" 

- "He is not my father! My father will be born in more than a century! And I have no intention of looking for a husband. I have a dignity, unlike you. I will continue to look for a way to return to our time." 

- "I hope you succeed, but in 7 weeks we have not discovered anything... I think you should start getting used to this life." 

- "Never. NEVER!" 

- "You know we cannot repeat what happened to us when we awoke in these bodies. We were driving to a college party during a thunderstorm when lightning struck our car. We woke up in this village in 1847, and in this age there are no cars. And besides, it is probable that our bodies did not survive the lightning that struck us..." 

- "Shut up!" 

- "Okay, calm down. Maybe you will find a way. I no longer exclude anything in this world. And I certainly don't like this life. But in the meantime, I'll hold on to my man, and advise you to settle down quickly. This is not a world for a single woman."

Compensation

"Do you really think that I will sign this document? Do you think I will accept $ 200,000 in compensation for what you did to me? Look at me! I'm a chick! You ruined my life! And I will demand millions from your company! Many millions! See you in court!" 

* Tip: Never underestimate the armies of high-priced lawyers that a powerful multinational company can unleash. You may regret not accepting $ 200,000.

To understand the other gender (part 3)

"Mmm Let's see this link... It looks like a dead end, but I don't know where to look anymore..." 

My best friend and I have been looking for some magical solution to my situation for months. I am now 7 and a half months pregnant, so I often stay at home and do research online. Meanwhile, he does research on the street. For now we have not discovered anything, and frankly I am starting to be very pessimistic. But I'm lucky to have a friend like him: in recent months he helped me get some false documents for my new identity and has hosted me at his house since pregnancy started making my life difficult. Nausea, aches all over the body, sudden cravings for strange foods, meaningless crying: it's really hard to be pregnant! I think I'm really starting to "understand the other gender"...

Ah, we found the baby's father, but he doesn't want to know anything about us. That bastard. But at least he's a rich bastard, so he gave me a lot of money to "leave him alone". My baby and I don't need him, whether I manage to transform into the baby's "father", or I remain trapped in his mother's body. At worst, my friend assured me that he will always be there for us, so my son will still have a "father figure".

And to be honest, even if I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones talking, I'm starting to think he's really cute... Well, let's hope we find some counter spells quickly, to avoid "further problems"! My life is complicated enough!

[The End?]

To understand the other gender (part 2)

- "I screwed up, right?" 

- "Yup. Definitely." 

- "Your tact is incredible. Is there a way to fix it? There must be something we can do!" 

- "I don't think so... Not with this book. The text is clear: the conception of a child makes the spell permanent." 

- "I can't believe it! I drank less than usual in that bar! I was in shock because of my transformation and wanted to relax with a couple of beers. Yet I got completely drunk, and now I have ruined my life!" 

- "Obviously it takes very little to get you drunk... you are very small compared to how you were three weeks ago!" 

-"Don't remind me..." 

- "But don't talk about "ruined life". Maybe you'll like being a mommy. That baby could make you happy..." 

- "Stop talking or I'll start hitting you." 

- "You don't look like a big threat right now." 

- "Shut up! I'm not in the mood for jokes! Do you understand the situation!?" 

- "Ok, sorry, sorry. I just wanted to defuse this mess." 

- "I can't believe one night of alcohol was enough to lose my body! In 3 days the full moon would be back and we could have cast the spell of that damn book!" 

- "Come on! It's not over! A month ago we didn't know that magic existed. Maybe someday we'll find a way to transform you back into your male version." 

- "I hope you are right..." 

- "I'm always right! But in the meantime... we should contact the baby's father. As long as you remember something about that night..."

To understand the other gender (part 1)

"So this is the face I'm going to have for the next month? Argh... It's adorable. But the problem is that it means taht I AM adorable! Why me?!" 

A few days ago my best friend and I found a strange book left by a previous owner in the attic of my new home. It looked like the classic "book of spells", and contained some strange formulas in incomprehensible languages. One of the few spells written in English was titled "To understand the other gender", and it was possible to cast it on the night of full moon. To have fun we decided to give it a try, and I volunteered to read the formula. Getting information about women by magic sounded interesting, even though we clearly didn't believe it actually worked. Nothing happened, as we expected, but the next day when I woke up I understood what the spell was for: it didn't serve to make me understand the female world, but to make me directly a member of the weaker sex! Same eyes, same hair color, but the rest of me is completely unrecognizable! And why am I so petite?! 

And to be able to cast the spell again, I'll have to wait for the next full moon, next month! Luckily, college classes aren't compulsory, at least... But it's still going to be a terrible and disturbing month! I need a drink. Something alcoholic. Now!